From Where I Am To Where I Started

i would have let you leave

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Swan Song (1/1)
Swan Song
Pairing - Damon/Elena
Fandom - TVD
Rating - PG13
Summary - "You need her. You want her. You love her and no one can convince you otherwise."
Warnings - Language
Spoilers - Through 2x08.
Author's Note - This is the first of many fanfics written about the episode "Rose". My muse just wouldn't shut up! Enjoy!
You need her. You want her. You love her and no one can convince you otherwise.

(Try as they will.)

You’re being selfish. You’re returning to the person you don’t want to be. You can’t steal her away from him, even though you’re more than capable. He’s your brother and you can’t hurt him like that again.

(Though, if you‘re honest, you don‘t really give a damn.)

You can’t do it to her. Because you love her. You see how she looks at him, how she feels about him, how she loves him, and you know that you can’t tear that away from her. Not when she’s lost so much.

(Even though you would do anything to have her look at you that way.)

You love her. More than yourself. You can’t think of another girl in the world who you could say that about. You can’t take her from her brother and you can’t take your brother from her.

(No matter how much you want to.)

The amount of pain she causes you is incredible. Every second she’s around, every second she’s not… you feel like dying, if you weren’t already dead. You almost hate her for making you feel this way.


You tell everyone you don’t care. About anything, about anyone. It’s just a cover, just a coping mechanism and everybody knows it, but they pretend they don’t. You pretend you don’t. You want to believe that you‘re not an open book to everyone. But you can’t believe it because it isn’t true. Everyone sees right through you.

(Everyone except for her.)

And you’ve hurt her and you want to die because you let yourself hurt her, more than once. You can’t stop hurting her. And maybe that’s why you can’t be selfish with her. Because if you made her let you in and trust you and then you hurt her again… you know it would break her.

(And even if it didn‘t break her, you know without a doubt that it would kill you.)

You compel her to forget, but now you’ve said it. Now it’s out there, the words floating somewhere in space, in time. Saying it makes it real, you have to admit your feelings to yourself now. It’s not because she looks like your ex, it’s not because you want to piss off your brother, it’s not because you can’t have her, it’s because you love her. It’s not a game. It’s real.

(And now you wish that it wasn‘t.)

And I said what I said and I meant it…
But now I regret it.

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This is painful to read. You nailed it. If it didn't break her it would kill him. Plain and simple.

This is so heartbreakingly beautiful! <3

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