delena

sg1_sj_lover


From Where I Am To Where I Started

i would have let you leave


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Selective Memory (1/1)
delena
sg1_sj_lover
Selective Memory
Pairing - Damon/Elena
Fandom - TVD
Rating - PG13
Summary - Sometimes, the things you try your hardest to forget are the only things you remember.
Warnings - None
Spoilers - Through 2x08
Author’s Note - I was sitting around and wondering if Elena will ever find out what Damon told her. If she’ll ever remember. I just started writing and this is what came out. Enjoy!
 
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She can’t sleep and so she’s staring up at the ceiling, trying not to think. She starts to count the raised paint dots on her ceiling and she reaches the number 212 before she rolls over and closes her eyes.

She tosses and turns, but her mind refuses to turn off and sleep never comes. She looks at her clock. 3:21am. She groans inwardly and gets out of bed. She walks into the bathroom and turns on the nightlight. She looks at her reflection in the mirror. She looks closer and sees Damon standing behind her. Startled, she turns around, but he isn’t there. She looks back at the mirror.

“I love you, Elena,” the reflection says. And then she knows.

The memories are flying back into her head, the words echoing through the room.

“I don‘t deserve you,”
he says as tears fill his eyes. All of the emotions flood through her body and she puts her hand on the counter to balance herself. She closes her eyes, but she can still hear him.

“God, I wish you didn‘t have to forget this…”
The memories are overwhelming her and tears are running down her face. She can’t believe he said those things, she almost doesn’t want to. And what’s worse is that the words are making her feel. She wants them to roll off her, to be able to ignore them, but they’re making her feel and she doesn’t like it. Not at all.

She’s scared now, scared of the things he feels, scared of the way she feels. She loves Stefan, it’s always gonna be Stefan, right? She was so sure when she said those words to Damon, but now… She doesn’t know what she’s feeling, but she doesn’t like it.

“But you do.” And then he compels her to forget. She doesn’t know why it didn’t work, why the memories are coming back. She wishes they had stayed hidden. And maybe they still can. She wipes the tears off of her face and walks back into her room. She curls up on her bed with a pillow and closes her eyes.

She doesn’t know what to do, what to say, how to handle the situation. She tries her best to put all thoughts aside and finally falls asleep. And she dreams of him and what they could be.
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She shows up at the boarding house the next day. He answers the door and all of the words rush through her head again, but she doesn’t let it show. She just walks past him into the house.

And that’s how the memories will stay. Buried under all of her efforts to deny the feelings. They’ll stay this way, dancing around each other, pretending like nothing has changed when everything has. This is the way it has to be, she reminds herself. She knows.

She knows she can’t remember, but she also knows that she can’t forget.

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Beautifully written, I too myself wonder when she will find out (and whether it is going to be after she becomes a vampire...)

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